I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
