It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
