I seem to have left my pride at pride
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
