had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
