i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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