By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
