Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
