i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize