i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize