Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize