why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
