These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
