he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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