so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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