i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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