How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize