ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
