I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you guys were way drunker than both of me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize