i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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