Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
