Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need to get me chipped asap
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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