I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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