As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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