i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
