Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
