he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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