i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
