im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you pee in the oven last night??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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