I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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