Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
