hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
