THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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