Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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