I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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