hell yes lets make some ravioli
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
