I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
