There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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