he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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