so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
