You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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