Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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