Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
