Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
