Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
