So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
