Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
