So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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