Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
