Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
