After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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