I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
