remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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