Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
