she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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