OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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