he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
