JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize