U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
