he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
