even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
