I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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