a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
