so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
