My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
