I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
