im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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