We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
