He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
